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Sunday, April 15, 2012

What will Jesus think?

I auditioned for the first time at a local university yesterday, and it was a nerve-wracking process, especially for a naturally-shy person like me. My main instrument is piano, which I have taken for ten years, but I have really wanted to develop my voice, so I auditioned in voice. I have only taken voice lessons a little longer than a month; I felt foolish and stupid when they asked me who my choir director was. I had to tell them that I've never been in choir because I'm homeschooled, and they looked shocked that I would even think of auditioning in voice with so little experience. As I sang the two songs that I had prepared, four professors scribbled notes furiously on their clipboards. And as I sang, I imagined what they must be writing: "student has poor control of airflow," "student's voice is weak", "student has low quality," and "THIS GIRL THINKS SHE CAN SING?!!" Of course, the more I imagined, the worse I got and I rushed through my songs. My mind turned to mush, and I couldn't concentrate on the sight-singing tests. All of the professors were encouraging and polite, even helpful, but I couldn't settle my nerves in front of them because I knew they were judging my abilities and I knew that I was lacking. Afterward, I thought that maybe that is a mild version of what it will be like when we go before Jesus. He is the kindest judge ever, but we will feel so inadequate in His presence. As we stand before Him, we will probably think about all of the things we could have done to be better prepared, and we will be ashamed at our ignorance and lack of experience. So one good thing from that embarrassing audition is that I realized my inadequacy before Jesus. If He came today, I would only be able to hang my head in shame because of my wasted life. I determined to be better prepared, and although I can never be entirely what I should be in this life, I am going to strive to make the biggest difference I can. I want to hear Jesus say to me, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

2 comments:

  1. Wow
    Why so negative?
    Remember you are holy because He is holy

    God bless you,

    Tamika

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  2. Hi Tamika, good to hear from you again. I guess I did sound pretty negative, didn't I? Must have been post-audition depression lol. I really do believe that I will feel ashamed of all the opportunities to glorify God I ignored. I don't believe that He will punish me for my sin, or even mention it, because He separates Himself from remembering it "as far as the east is from the west." I'm so thankful that I'm saved through grace and not by works, and I believe that once I enter Heaven, I will never experience shame again. My main point of this post was this: live life with an eternal mindset. Devote yourself to lasting causes that will lift Jesus higher and higher in others' estimation. You are right; I identify with Christ who is holy, and I am holy. But right now we have two "men" warring within us: our fleshly man and our spiritual man. Sometimes my fleshly man wins. Thanks for reading my blog; I hope to post more relevant, enjoyable, and "discussionable" posts in the Summer when I'm out of school. MAYBE life will slow down a bit :)

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